Lightning and Lava in a red sky

2:30 AM Anger

I am ruminating on rheumatology. God damn I am just really, really angry. I shouldn’t have cleaned out my desk, then I would not have found the blood work. From there I would not have remembered begging to have it done because I knew I had lupus and all the other doctors wouldn’t just say I had it. I asked to see the rheumatologist and she said she would do the tests. The other doctors had done some of the tests, this test or that would flip and would flop. This level is high, but this one is normal. Oh, now this one is normal again sorry. Ya, I know you feel like shit, sorry.

My acupuncturist believed me, his wife had lupus too and he knew what he was seeing. The test results are in this folder and I am looking at them. All the right stuff. Or should I say the wrong stuff. I am out of range on over half of the things she tested—-I am just too mad right now, this is past, this is over, this is no longer important. It’s just lost time, and perhaps a lost job because I didn’t get this managed sooner? I will never know and it’s not worth this anger but god damn I am mad-pissed-angry-hurting-tired now and going to bed… grumble.





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