I had intended to write this post in the fall, but 2015 was a busy year for me. That is not something I thought I would hear myself say again, but I think that may be part of the point here. I have been very busy having a full life. Now I need to get busy being grateful.
Last Fall, for all kinds of really cool reasons, I was having dinner in Hollywood with my parents. During dinner, my dad turned to me and told me that he and my mom had noticed that they saw “signs of the old Juli again.” He went on to tell me that they had noticed that I was enjoying laughing again, and making others laugh.
This observation may be true, the thing about these sorts of positive changes is that they happen gradually, and until someone points them out to you-you do not notice. Sure, you notice feeling better, a higher level of energy, increased activity, but I do not think that we see ourselves the way the world sees us.
This view of ourselves goes in both directions. We do not see what others see when we are spinning out on that downward-fall, nor on that rise back upward again.
I am grateful to my dad for what he told me that night. I am equally grateful for what happened next.
What my parents talked to me about that night made me grateful, and then that next thing. After I had thanked them for what they told me, and what they noticed, I told them that I had gone through so much to get there but that I would never physically be the person I used to be. I told them that I am afraid. Because, I AM afraid. I do not know what will happen to me in the future. I am grateful because they listened to me, told me they understood why I would be afraid.
That night, that dinner was about a month before Thanksgiving, but it was MY Thanksgiving. I am grateful for that moment. I am grateful to my parents. I am grateful for feeling like what I had been working for so hard had been noticed. I am not noticed just for being “the annoying sick person” in the family anymore.
And no, you are not allowed to call me Juli.